Just a little nursing humor to brighten your day.

Actual notes found in patient charts:

1. The patient refused autopsy.
. The patient has no previous history of suicides.
3. Patient has left white blood cells at another hospital.
4. She has no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states shewas very hot in bed last night. 5. Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over ayear.
6. On the second day the knee was better, and on the third day itdisappeared.
7. The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appearsto be depressed.
8. The patient has been depressed since she began seeing me in 1993.
9. Discharge status: Alive but without my permission.
10. Healthy appearing decrepit 69-year old male, mentally alertbut forgetful.
11. Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.
12. She is numb from her toes down.
13. While in ER, she was examined, x-rated and sent home.
14. The skin was moist and dry.
15. Occasional, constant infrequent headaches.
16. Patient was alert and unresponsive.
17. Rectal examination revealed a normal size thyroid.
18. She stated that she had been constipated for most of herlife, until she got a divorce.
19. I saw your patient today, who is still under our car forphysical therapy.
20. Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation.
21. Examination of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized.
22. The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.
23. Skin: somewhat pale but present.
24. The pelvic exam will be done later on the floor.
25. Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities.

Wow!! Five days!! Only five days until I leave for Africa. This time next week, I will actually be in Africa. It is so exciting!! I still have a couple hundred to raise in order to go on the project. I am praying that all the funds will come in this Sunday. My church is going to "send me off". It's exciting and scary at the same time. I go to a big church, so the prospect of getting up in front of 800+ people is daunting. However, it's something that needs to be done.

I leave for Tanzania in 8 days. 8 DAYS. So excited!!! I went to the bank and got my travellers cheques for the trip and then came home so pumped that I started packing. I know, I know, I'm a geek. I mean, I have 8 days left to go. But I figured, hey why not? I have time. I can at least get started. That way if I need anything, I have time to go out and get it.

Anyways, my posts for the next few days are probably gonna be mostly about the trip. But I can't help it. I've never really been outside of Canada before, so this is such an amazing experience for me. I cannot wait to see what God is going to do in Tanzania. So awesome!!!

Random acts of lunacy

After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus driver found that the 20 mental patients he was supposed to be transporting from Harare to Beltway had escaped. Not wanting to admit his incompetence, the driver went to a nearby bus stop and offered everyone waiting there a free ride. He then delivered the passengers to the mental hospital, telling the staff that the patients were very excitable and prone to bizarre fantasies. The deception wasn't discovered for 3 days.

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An American teenager was in the hospital yesterday recovering from serious head wounds received from an oncoming train. When asked how he received the injuries, the lad told police that he was simply trying to see how close he could get his head to a moving train before he was hit.

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A mother took her daughter to the doctor and asked him to give her an examination to determine the cause of her daughter's swollen abdomen. It only took the doctor about 2 seconds to say, "Your daughter is pregnant." The mother turned red with fury and she argued with the doctor that her daughter was a good girl and would never compromise her reputation by having sex with a boy. The doctor faced the window and silently watched the horizon. The mother became enraged and screamed, "Quit looking out the window! Aren't you paying attention to me?" "Yes, of course I am paying attention ma'am. It's just that the last time this happened, a star appeared in the East, and three wise men came. And I was just checking

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When his 38-calibre revolver failed to fire at its intended victim during a hold-up in Long Beach, California, would be robber James Elliot did something that can only inspire wonder: He peered down the barrel and tried the trigger again. This time it worked.

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The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger in a meat-cutting machine and, after a little hopping around, submitted a claim to his insurance company. The company, suspecting negligence, sent out one of its men to have a look for himself. He tried the machine out and lost a finger. The chef's claim was approved.

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A passenger in a taxi tapped the driver on the shoulder to ask him something. The driver screamed, lost control of the cab, nearly hit a bus, drove up over the curb, and stopped just inches from a large plate glass window. For a few moments everything was silent in the cab, then the driver said, Please, don't ever do that again. You scared the daylights out of me." The passenger, who was also frightened, apologized and said he didn't realize that a tap on the shoulder could frighten him so much, to which the driver replied, "I'm sorry, it's really not your fault at all. Today is my first day driving a cab. I have been driving a hearse for the last 25 years.

10 days. 10 DAYS!!!! I am going to Tanzania, Africa in 10 days!! Words cannot describe how excited I am. I think if it's possible I am even more excited then I was before this weekend. The reason is because last night three of the people going on the trip (shout out to Melissa, Heather, and Peter) came over last night and we hung out for a while. It was so much fun getting to know people outside your school that are going on this trip.

And this morning at church, there was a guest speaker who was speaking about missions. It was so amazing to hear. He talked about how God's people need to have a passion for sending people out to share about God and it seems that the passion is diminishing in North America. Well, all through service I just got more and more excited about going to Tanzania because I knew that is exactly what the team is going to be doing. We are going to be passionately sharing the message of the Gospel. It is so amazing and exciting and I can't wait!!

Anyhow, I have this week off of work because I have a bunch of stuff I need to do to prepare for the trip.