just a bit of nursing (and some non-nursing) humor to brighten up your day.
Top Ten Reason to Become a Nurse
1. Pays better than fast food, though the hours aren't as good.
2. Fashionable shoes and sexy white uniforms.
3.Needles: Tis better to give than to receive.
4. Reassure your patients that all bleeding stops... eventually.
5. Expose yourself to rare, exotic diseases.
6. Interesting aromas.
7. Courteous and infallible doctors who always leave clear orders in perfectly legible handwriting.
8. Do enough charting to navigate around the world.
9. Celebrate the holidays with all of your friends -- at work.
10. Take comfort that most of your patients survive no matter what you do to them.
It's the only type of cooking a real man will do. When a man
volunteers to do the BBQ the following chain of event are put into
motion:
1) The woman buys the food.
2) The woman makes the salad, vegetables and dessert.
3) The woman prepares the meat for cooking, places it on a tray
along with the necessary cooking utensils and sauces, and takes it to
the man, who is lounging beside the grill, beer in hand.
4) The man places the meat on the grill.
5) The woman goes inside to organise the plates and cutlery.
6) The woman comes out to tell the man that the meat is burning.
He thanks her and asks if she will bring another beer whilst he deals
with the situation.
7) The man takes the meat off the grill and hands it to the woman.
8) The woman prepares the plates, salad, bread, utensils,
serviettes, sauces and brings them to the table.
9) After eating, the woman clears the table and does the dishes.
10)Everyone praises man and thanks him for his cooking efforts.
11)The man asks the woman how she enjoyed "her night off." And,
upon seeing her annoyed reaction, concludes that there's just no
pleasing some women!
Evidence that this world is full of idiots:
1. Police in Wichita, Kansas, arrested a 22-year-old man at an airport hotel after he tried to pass two (counterfeit) $16 bills.
2. A man in Johannesburg, South Africa, shot his 49-year-old friend in the face, seriously wounding him, while the two practiced shooting beer cans off each other's head.
3. A company trying to continue its five-year perfect safety record showed its workers a film aimed at encouraging the use of safety goggles on the job. According to Industrial Machinery News, the film's depiction of gory industrial accidents was so graphic that twenty-five workers suffered minor injuries in their rush to leave the screening room. Thirteen others fainted, and one man required seven stitches after he cut his head falling off a chair while watching the film.
4. The Chico, California, City Council enacted a ban on nuclear weapons, setting a $500 fine for anyone detonating one within city limits.
5. A bus carrying five passengers was hit by a car in St. Louis, but by the time police arrived on the scene, fourteen pedestrians had boarded the bus and had begun to complain of whiplash injuries and back pain.
6. Swedish business consultant Ulf af Trolle labored 13 years on a book about Swedish economic solutions. He took the 250-page manuscript to be copied, only to have it reduced to 50,000 strips of paper in seconds when a worker confused the copier with the shredder.
7. A convict broke out of jail in Washington DC, then a few days later accompanied his girlfriend to her trial for robbery. At lunch, he went out for a sandwich. She needed to see him, and thus had him paged. Police officers recognized his name and arrested him as he returned to the courthouse in a car he had stolen over the lunch hour.
8. Police in Radnor, Pennsylvania, interrogated a suspect by placing a metal colander on his head and connecting it with wires to a photocopy machine. The message "He's lying" was placed in the copier, and police pressed the copy button each time they thought the suspect wasn't telling the truth. Believing the "lie detector" was working, the suspect confessed.
9. When two service station attendants in Ionia, Michigan, refused to hand over the cash to an intoxicated robber, the man threatened to call the police. They still refused, so the robber called the police and was arrested.
10. A Los Angeles man who later said he was "tired of walking," stole a steam roller and led police on a 5 mph chase until an officer stepped aboard and brought the vehicle to a stop.
anyways, thats all for tonight.
Top Ten Reason to Become a Nurse
1. Pays better than fast food, though the hours aren't as good.
2. Fashionable shoes and sexy white uniforms.
3.Needles: Tis better to give than to receive.
4. Reassure your patients that all bleeding stops... eventually.
5. Expose yourself to rare, exotic diseases.
6. Interesting aromas.
7. Courteous and infallible doctors who always leave clear orders in perfectly legible handwriting.
8. Do enough charting to navigate around the world.
9. Celebrate the holidays with all of your friends -- at work.
10. Take comfort that most of your patients survive no matter what you do to them.
It's the only type of cooking a real man will do. When a man
volunteers to do the BBQ the following chain of event are put into
motion:
1) The woman buys the food.
2) The woman makes the salad, vegetables and dessert.
3) The woman prepares the meat for cooking, places it on a tray
along with the necessary cooking utensils and sauces, and takes it to
the man, who is lounging beside the grill, beer in hand.
4) The man places the meat on the grill.
5) The woman goes inside to organise the plates and cutlery.
6) The woman comes out to tell the man that the meat is burning.
He thanks her and asks if she will bring another beer whilst he deals
with the situation.
7) The man takes the meat off the grill and hands it to the woman.
8) The woman prepares the plates, salad, bread, utensils,
serviettes, sauces and brings them to the table.
9) After eating, the woman clears the table and does the dishes.
10)Everyone praises man and thanks him for his cooking efforts.
11)The man asks the woman how she enjoyed "her night off." And,
upon seeing her annoyed reaction, concludes that there's just no
pleasing some women!
Evidence that this world is full of idiots:
1. Police in Wichita, Kansas, arrested a 22-year-old man at an airport hotel after he tried to pass two (counterfeit) $16 bills.
2. A man in Johannesburg, South Africa, shot his 49-year-old friend in the face, seriously wounding him, while the two practiced shooting beer cans off each other's head.
3. A company trying to continue its five-year perfect safety record showed its workers a film aimed at encouraging the use of safety goggles on the job. According to Industrial Machinery News, the film's depiction of gory industrial accidents was so graphic that twenty-five workers suffered minor injuries in their rush to leave the screening room. Thirteen others fainted, and one man required seven stitches after he cut his head falling off a chair while watching the film.
4. The Chico, California, City Council enacted a ban on nuclear weapons, setting a $500 fine for anyone detonating one within city limits.
5. A bus carrying five passengers was hit by a car in St. Louis, but by the time police arrived on the scene, fourteen pedestrians had boarded the bus and had begun to complain of whiplash injuries and back pain.
6. Swedish business consultant Ulf af Trolle labored 13 years on a book about Swedish economic solutions. He took the 250-page manuscript to be copied, only to have it reduced to 50,000 strips of paper in seconds when a worker confused the copier with the shredder.
7. A convict broke out of jail in Washington DC, then a few days later accompanied his girlfriend to her trial for robbery. At lunch, he went out for a sandwich. She needed to see him, and thus had him paged. Police officers recognized his name and arrested him as he returned to the courthouse in a car he had stolen over the lunch hour.
8. Police in Radnor, Pennsylvania, interrogated a suspect by placing a metal colander on his head and connecting it with wires to a photocopy machine. The message "He's lying" was placed in the copier, and police pressed the copy button each time they thought the suspect wasn't telling the truth. Believing the "lie detector" was working, the suspect confessed.
9. When two service station attendants in Ionia, Michigan, refused to hand over the cash to an intoxicated robber, the man threatened to call the police. They still refused, so the robber called the police and was arrested.
10. A Los Angeles man who later said he was "tired of walking," stole a steam roller and led police on a 5 mph chase until an officer stepped aboard and brought the vehicle to a stop.
anyways, thats all for tonight.
posted by the Cynical student @ 7:36 PM
1 Comments:
At 8:23 AM,
Christine said…
Here's another thing for your list - Washington State jail accidentally releases inmate. I'm not kidding. Two days ago, this guy lined up and blended in with guys who were supposed to be released, and they let him walk right out of the prison. Now they're trying to get the whole city/region to look for him - as if he'll just stay around waiting to be caught.
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